Night Of The Living Dad

My son was born three months ago. I’ve been waiting patiently for a moment of realization; things are changed forever. Everyone’s told me it would hit me in the face, a vicious cocktail of fear and exhilaration. So, I’ve pictured this epiphany as a ton of bricks or with images of a life flashing before my eyes. The truth though, is that it’s appeared as small flickers, brightening many moments. A slow ooze of understanding.

A weekend ago it was Halloween and I believe it is the right of all grown men to dawn the drawers of their favorite hero or goblin. To touch beers with friends and ogle over a French maid or a naughty girl scout. Ritual is in our nature. In fact, I might go as far to suggest, that all the Halloween years leading up to the this adult version of myself have been nothing more than preparation for this very important celebration of manhood.

At last, I find myself on a street corner with a small drooling chicken for a sidekick. Cooing into the cool October evening, he and I make our way from house to house. Stopping every few blocks, we are met by older men, men who have long since mourned the passing of the Halloween keg stand or the dive bar costume contest. Their sidekicks have swiftly grown into the stars of their own shows. As we pass, knowing glances send new Halloween chills down my spine. Their grins hold back well-earned secrets and satisfactions.

Looking past self-pity, I silenced the calls of less experienced men and abandoned my former Halloween self. Pushing my phone deep into my pocket we carry on into the night. Some things have to give; the rights of the father pass to the son. When I put that chubby little Halloween chicken to bed, I found something truly gratifying about our evening. I’m not completely sure, but I think the idea of being his tour guide to the world is pretty damn cool.  He doesn’t understand any of this Halloween hullabaloo and he won’t for a while. What he does know is that his dad will be standing right next to him sharing in celebration and protecting him from the boogieman. That makes up for the missing schoolgirls and fallen angles… just barely.